4th of Schmuly

What just happened? I mean, honestly, what the hell happened to an amazingly fun 4th of July celebration; a celebration of our independence and freedom from the mother land? I don't have proof, but I'm willing to wager an ear of corn that our forefathers had a some good parties on the streets of Boston, regardless of whether it was to celebrate their freedom or to protest tea taxes. My best uneducated guess (for the sake of a short blog entry) is that the good 'ole days of festivities must have disappeared once the world became a "global economy". You know, when the internet and cell phones spread like wildfire, political correctness became all the rage, and everyone suddenly became too busy to speak with their neighbors.

Yes, those fun days are long gone; in the elephant's graveyard of Amrican Freedoms. To be quite honest, we are no longer allowed to have fun. Those freedoms have been stripped out from underneath us in a day of - again - political correctness. Because, to the government (ironically patriotic Uncle Sam himself), we are brainless and cannot have fun AND protect ourselves. And let's not forget, fun = bad. Long gone are the days when you'd get a slap on the wrist for drinking a beer whilst perched comfortably and harmlessly in a lawn chair watching the mock bombs bursting in air. As a child, I remember my father doing just that, and even eating some BBQ to boot. Now it's completely forbidden to drink outside. Also long gone are the days of lighting packs of firecrackers "just because". Nope, strictly forbidden. Should I not be allowed to mame or injure myself at my discretion? Sure, I could hurt bystanders, but then it would make sense to use the justice system and punish me harshly. Why should I be punished for celebrating my freedom in my own way?

Let me cut to the chase. Tonight's display of independence sucked was literally the worst I have ever seen. No alcohol + no fireworks = every day. That's not what the 4th of July has been about for the past 229 years. Not in America anyway. Hooting and hollering in public is almost frowned upon now. I let out a couple of my own and almost felt a collective frownie-face being spray painted on my back by the listless (thanks Nate) crowd members. Like they said "Is this guy nuts? Isn't this supposed to be a mellow and nonsociable event?" Matter of fact, people are way too into themselves these days. They act as though they're the only ones who are important, right here, right now. These are the types of people who keep me patriotic. They really make me want to keep and bear arms. Wait... I can shoot a rifle, but I can't light a firecracker?

Don't get me wrong. I am appreciateive that we are able to have our freedoms. I'm especially appreciative of the people who are protecting our freedoms in places we shouldn't have to and everywhere else that we should, and I'm sorry they aren't here to enjoy a mellow and unpatriotic event with me. I know they would appreciate it more than I did (and even tell me to stop complaining about it) because they haven't been home in a long time and they are pulling life-threatening duties. But shouldn't we give those protectors of American freedom some respect and dignity? If they're fighting for our freedom and quality of life, shouldn't we celebrate the right way? I think some of those men and women would have had the same problem I had tonight... If I'm fighting for US security, I'm expecting a fucking party. DO IT RIGHT to honor those people who came before us. It was the lamest 4th of July I can remember. I'm sorry America, it won't happen again.

I wonder what Thomas Jefferson or Paul Revere would have written in their journals if they saw tonight's fireworks in my small city? Wait, I know, it would look a little something like this... "A bunch of zombies roamed the street to watch the sky light up, as though it were federal mandatory fun night, then went home silently like a herd of cattle. They could have at least had bells strung around their necks to make things interesting."